


Errands

by InfernumEquinomin



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Saccarine Sweet Language, Swordfighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29484810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernumEquinomin/pseuds/InfernumEquinomin
Summary: A day running errands for Percival Wheeler, written in season 3 for Birds on Third, sad in retrospect
Relationships: Percival Wheeler/Boyfriend Monreal, Percival Wheeler/Caligula Lotus Pwrcival Wheeler/Lovers Polycule, Percival Wheeler/Jessica Telephone, Percival Wheeler/Ren Hunter





	Errands

Percy started her day the way she always started her day. She started by waking up, running around the entire perimeter of her house/boyfriend Sigmund, lifting her lovely girlfriend Ortiz in a set of 100 squats while she slept, doing 300 push-ups while Kichiro read a manga on her back, showering off and brushing her teeth with Milo, and then making breakfast for the early risers while Knight read their paper.

"How is your morning?" They asked as they sipped at their questionable coffee, and Percy grinned.

"Just fabulous, love! Got just about the whole docket wrapped up." She grinned and they smiled over their paper.

"What else are you getting up to?" They asked and she turned back to making a whole dozen scrambled eggs.

"I have a few outings to make today." Percy smiled softly down at the eggs.

"Well, it's family dinner night." Knight reminded gently and Percival stood taller.

"How could I forget! I'll be there with bells on!" She declared and Knight chuckled and kept reading, even as a few of his other lovers made their way downstairs.

\--

Percival carried three coffees, one for her and two for the person she was meeting. Jessica Telephone wasn't exactly a caffeine fiend, but there was a chance if she was around her team she would simply "you wanna sip?" away the first one. That was just how she was. Percy was late. She had stopped to get a cat from a tree on her way to the Tigers' training cages, it had been deposited there by some birds as she approached and scratched her up something fierce, but she had gotten it down and deposited it on the ground. She hoped the cat had at least learned an important lesson about watching the skies. When Percy arrived at the gates to the stadium the Tigers called home, she waved at the team. Landry Violence rolled his eyes at her sunny approach and cupped his hands around his mouth to call into the stadium.

"Hey Jess, it's the goody two shoes!" He yelled and Percy smiled at him.

"Thanks! If it's okay I'll go on in!" She said and he groaned and stomped on in himself.

"Do whatever you want." He said, so she did, following him a few steps in until Jessica rounded the corner, smiling warmly.

"Oh, Percy hi." She said and her smile was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. Percy smiled dreamily.

"Hi J. I brought you coffee." Percy sighed and handed her the cups. Jessica took them and took a sip from one.

"Well, aren't you sweet. I have batting practice, but we can do something together after." She asked and Percy frowned at her.

"What's batting practice?" She asked and Jessica stared at her, flitting once to a 780s version of herself, before settling back on her 1980s look. She simply sighed.

"You know what, why don't I just meet you in twenty minutes." Jessica suggested and Percy nodded enthusiastically.

"Make it 2 hours, I have some other things I have to do real quick while I'm out." She said and Jessica smiled.

"It's a date."

\--

Time didn't work how it was supposed to for Percy, and Distance certainly never did, even before the time portal. Time and Space had been  _ especially _ weird since the forbidden book was opened but around Percival they seemed to always be fluctuating, so it took very little time at all for Percy to walk from Hades to the outskirts of Charleston. She grabbed another coffee, this one hot and black and maybe not coffee at all, and ventured into the woods. Percy brought her sword for this meeting. Percy brought her sword to most meetings, but especially this one. She found Ren sitting under a tree, naked and blood drenched from a hunt, and Percy crouched down by her head.

"Hey, you want a drink?" Percy offered and Ren's glazed eyes met hers and sharpened into dangerous clarity before she took the coffee.

"Oh, it's you. Here to fight?" She asked and swallowed the drink in one, steaming, long gulp.

"Every week." Percy grinned and Ren huffed.

"I am going to have to figure out why I don't seem to have much effect on you. Most women are a quivering mess by the time they're within like, three meters." Ren grumbled and crushed the paper cup in one large hand.

"Well I don't know what a meter is, but I know I'm always quivering! With excitement!" Percy smiled widely and Ren snorted then laughed, full bodied and curled in on herself. She cackled for a good few minutes and Percy smiled down at her, not quite getting the joke but happy to see her partner/rival happy.

"Alright, alright moron. You wanna go?" Ren sighed, calming down, and Percy smiled widely.

"Yes!" She declared, jumping to her feet and scooting a bit away in the clearing of trees.

Percy drew her sword and Ren scraped her claws on a nearby tree, shredding the bark and rising to her full height. She was a good foot or two taller, and wider by far, but the smile, both murder hungry and excited, on Ren's face filled Percy with a flood of sheer happiness, rather than nerves. She moved forward, fast, and swung at the batter, who simply ducked under her blade, swung a heavy arm around and landed claws into Percy's platemail. Her hand was stuck a moment and Percy used that chance to place a plated foot against her chest and push away. Ren barely moved, but Percy didn't stop, hacking and slashing, missing each time and occasionally taking a fist of a knee to her chest, face, knees. After a while Percy wiped her nose and found it bloody, and grinned as she rushed towards Ren, sword low.

"What the hell are you two doing?!" Came a cry from behind them and it startled Percy so badly she stumbled, thunking her sword heavily into the meat of a likewise distracted Ren's arm. They stared at each other and both looked over to see Boyfriend standing with her hands on her hips, furious. "You're fighting  _ again _ ? After last time?"

"Ah, in defense of Ren's honor, it was simply a spar." Percy chuckled nervously then froze and looked back. "Oh goodness, is your arm okay?"

"You put a sword in it Perce." Ren scowled, simply holding it away from her body as if it might infect the rest of her with weakness.

"Oh, love, sorry, give me a second to fix that." Percy gushed and yanked her sword out of Ren's arm, a spurt of blood following. Boyfriend groaned and rubbed at her forehead and Percy rummaged around in her pockets before she found a roll of gauze and started quickly wrapping Ren's arm.

"Percy, Perce, just stop." Boyfriend sighed and walked over, setting a hand on her shoulder. She looked at her, vision blurry from tears, and Boyfriend gave her a hug. "It's okay. Let me."

"It's just blood." Ren grunted and Boyfriend cast her a sharp look.

"You're soaking through the gauze." She declared and grabbed Ren's arm, holding her hand over the cut and then materializing a needle and thread. Percy looked away as Boyfriend patched Ren up.

"Sorry, I never intended to hurt you." She said and Ren spat a small, almost vicious laugh.

"Then why the hell do you always bring a sword? Also it isn't like you could do any real damage idiot." Ren huffed and Percival wilted a bit.

"Yeah okay." She said and Ren sighed and set a large hand on her head. Percy looked back over and frowned and Ren pierced her with her gaze. 

"I'm fine. Geez, you're like the himbo lady of blaseball huh." Ren said shaking her head and Percival grinned at the small smile on her face.

"I'm not 100% sure what a himbo is, but I'm glad you're not mad, love." She said and Boyfriend blushed and covered her mouth, glancing at Ren a moment but Ren just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms gingerly.

"Get outta here moron, I've got plans." Ren huffed and Percival nodded.

"Farewell then my ladies." She bowed and kissed Boyfriend on the back of the hand, sheathed her sword and waved brightly over her shoulder as she walked on to her next stop.

\--

She should have told Jessica three hours. Just to be safe. Percival walked to Boston from Charleston and it took considerably longer than she expected to do so. Boston was a town that sometimes just didn't want to be found, whether by voyage or by map. It moved around as she pursued but she had something to deliver to someone and even if it put her a bit late to meet Jess before family dinner, that was fine. Jessica would understand, she always understood. And it wasn't like Percy could just call her and tell her what was up. Despite her name Jessica didn't own a phone. Not one you could call, at least.

Percival arrived at the Boston Flowers stadium, her flight attendant uniform covered in muck, still bleeding a bit from the nose, and wishing she had something to carry the fertilizer she was dropping off in. Like a wheelbarrow or a cart. Horse drawn carriage was out of fashion from what Theo told her, but she didn't mind being a bit old fashioned.

"Percy!" A bright, exuberant voice called from across the field and Percival quickly found herself wrapped up in green leafy arms as Caligula launched at her, holding her tight. "It's so good to see you!"

"Glad to see you too!" Percy said, looking down at the dropped fertilizer, and Caligula hopped off.

"Oh! Sorry!" She said, one leafy hand covering her small, dainty mouth.

"Oh, it's fine. It's for you anyway." Percy said and Caligula grinned.

"Aw, thanks babe! You didn't have to come all this way." She said and Percy blushed, waving her off.

"Oh it wasn't such a big deal. Finding Boston was the hardest part…" She said and Caligula nodded knowingly.

"It usually is." She said. Cali patted Percy on the shoulder and looked at her with a multitude of eyes. "Why dont we get you cleaned up!"

Percival followed Cali into the stadium, carrying the fertilizer over one shoulder, and settled in as she and Becks, surprised and flustered as usual, cleaned her off with a pile of napkins in the lounge. The Boston Flowers hadn't had showers since King Weatherman accidentally unleashed the full power of Weather in their last shower room. Percy wasn't quite sure how weather did all that but it was apparently a big to-do.

"Thanks darling." Percival smiled and Cali flashed her a thumbs up.

"Of course! We always have napkins laying around because I'm pretty sure all Gloria eats is fast food." She laughed and Percy smiled.

"Well, I hope you all get some good use out of that fertilizer, but I have to get rolling." Percy said, shifting mid-sentence into her tire shape, her glove still taped on from their last game.

"Aw, well I will be happy to see you again next time." Cali said, kissing her softly on her glove.

"I'll make sure they all get what they need." Becks promised, waving and wrapping an arm around Cali.

"Thanks Becks. Toodles." Percy said brightly and rolled off back towards Hades.

\--

She arrive about an hour late panting and clanking as she rushed over to the Hades stadium.

"Sorry I'm late! It took a while to find Boston!" Percy apologized and Jessica smiled and waved, surrounded by her wives and girlfriends.

"It's okay Percy. I had plenty of company." Jessica said and Percy felt her heart melt.

"Yeah, I guess you did. Still want to get some, what was it, batting practice?" Percival asked and Jessica shook her head.

"Nah. Let's get lunch." Jessica smiled, waving as a few girlfriends waved and left, off to do whatever Percival's distant metamours did when they weren't around. They had their own lives to live sometimes. It was fine. Jess understood. Percival did too. Her own partners had things to do fairly often.

"There's a diner without a door a few streets over." Percival suggested and Jessica grinned, nodding.

"Great! I could eat three burgers."

"As many as you want my lady!" Percival declared and hooked her arm, Jessica grabbing it as they began their stroll down to eat some greasy diner food.

\--

"So, how were your errands?" Milo asked and Percy sighed dreamily as they walked towards the PolyHedron together. She had arrived just in time to join him on his evening walk.

"Milo, why are girls so good?" Percy sighed, heart still racing from her rather eventful day.

"Soft, pure, I dunno Percy." Milo shrugged and she ruffled his hair. He chuckled and swatted at her hand. "How many dates did you have today?"

"Like 4, I think. Though one was a fight." Percival grinned and high-fived Castillo as she entered. Milo laughed and bumped into her shoulder with his.

"Quite the playboy huh?" Milo said and Percy frowned.

"I'm a woman." She said.

"Play-woman then." Milo corrected and Percy huffed.

"I play ball if that's what you mean." She declared and Milo laughed.

"Never change Perce. You're perfect just like you are." Milo grinned, patting her on the back.

"I know." Percival preened and strode forward. "Now come on, we have a family dinner to get to."

End.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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